As I sit here and look through my blog, I feel like I have lost my direction. I have lost myself in my job and no longer feel my voice to write. Feeling lost has been a part of my life lately. Some days are as rough as the days right after Peanuts birth. Postpartum reared its ugly head for months after he was born and I’m glad I chose to get help because it could have been so much worse.
These days, I am happier and I am usually chasing Peanut and think of so many things to say, yet when I sit here in front of the computer, the words elude me.
Lately, he has been testing us to the fullest. His new skill is climbing to the top of the piano. Telling him no doesn’t even phase him. Taking him off just challenges him to climb back up. Time out just results in a full tantrum. I’m running out of ideas, although we have started moving furniture around to see if this would help. It is during moments like this that I just was to scream. This is not what I thought it would be like. I question if I really want any more children because he is such a challenge most days. He is smart and that is dangerous. I watch him calculate and figure out how to solve problems. I can’t imagine how I will keep him out of trouble without being able to give him all my attention.
Some days, though, I feel the depression creeping back. Even though I work outside of the home a few hours a day, I really have no recreational time with adults. It is amazing how much I miss that. Talking to people who actually talk back, even if it is just getting together for coffee.
And I know that a few breaths later, it will pass and all will be well. But, I have learned to bounce back. I know so many who haven’t learned that or think they can’t. And that is OK. They just need to learn to ask for help. It does get better and it won’t always be this way.
Chin up Mom, you aren’t alone.